Have you recently gone through a separation or divorce from a partner with whom you shared children? Is your former partner violating your custody arrangements by denying your visitation or telling your child negative things about you? This behavior is known as parental alienation. Although it takes many different forms, it is always harmful to you and your child. Experiencing parental alienation is deeply frustrating, but you can still fight for your child custody rights.
Is your spouse or former partner taking intentional steps to hurt or even destroy your relationship with your child? Parental alienation can be an intensely frustrating experience, but it is not something you have to simply accept. You have the right to have a relationship with your child. Call the Family Law Team at the LLF Law Firm at 888-535-3686 or contact us online today to protect your rights.
What Is Parental Alienation?
It is not uncommon for former spouses to be apprehensive of each other. With that said, both parents have a legal obligation to do right by their child and abide by any court-ordered or mutually agreed-upon child custody arrangements. The reason for this is simple. There is a large body of scientific evidence showing that having an ongoing relationship with both parents benefits their children's psychological and emotional well-being.
Parental alienation is the name given to a series of behaviors undertaken by one partner to undermine or ruin their child's relationship with the other parent. Some common examples of parental alienation include:
Denial of Visitation
Some former spouses will unreasonably or arbitrarily deny the other parent their agreed-upon visitation or allotted time with the child. It can include being consistently late dropping your child off for visits or continually calling off visits at the last minute without good reason. The effect of this physical distancing can harm both the child and the alienated parent.
Diminishing Your Parental Authority
It is critical for both parties in a co-parenting relationship to be on the same page with important issues such as discipline, academic progress, and offering emotional support to the child. If the child does not hear a unified voice from both parents, they may unilaterally decide which one they will or won't listen to, something that could have dangerous results.
In some parental alienation cases, one parent can diminish the other's authority by telling the child they don't have to listen to the other parent. They may also try to diminish the other parent's authority by feeding them negative information about their other parent. Being repeatedly exposed to negative information or opinions about the other parent can pose severe harm to a child's long-term psychological well-being.
Discrediting You in the Child's Community or Circle
It's no secret that spouses or partners who separate don't always have the best opinions of one another. However, those opinions should not be shared with the child or people in the child's community. In extreme cases, one partner will even make up false accusations about the other and repeat them to the child or the child's friends.
Usually, the end goal is to portray the other parent as unfit or unworthy so they can gain sole custody. If one parent can portray themselves as “always right” and the other as “always wrong,” the people who believe the false statements and negative opinions may give inaccurate testimony in custody hearings. There is also a large body of evidence showing that hearing negative things about their parents is harmful to a child's self-esteem.
Attempting to Replace You with Another Adult
Most partners and spouses who break up will eventually move on and find another partner. However, this process can become problematic when one parent tries to replace you as the child's parent with their new partner. Examples of this include things like asking your child to address their new significant other as “mom” or “dad.”
Other equally harmful examples can include allowing the new partner to take an active role in making decisions about the child's education, religion, or even discipline. An extreme example of this behavior would be telling your child that their new partner is a better parent or loves them more than you do. In any case, this kind of behavior is incredibly confusing for a child and can leave them unsure of which parent to trust.
Bestowing Adult Status on Your Child
Children may be young people, but they are still people. That means they naturally want as much autonomy over their actions and lives as possible. While that spirit of independence is laudable, children of any age often lack the experience and the wisdom to make good long-term decisions. Some parents will attempt to alienate the other by bestowing adult status on their minor children.
It's not uncommon for a child to make decisions about what they wear to school (though this can also be a bone of contention between parents). However, allowing your child's judgment to replace yours about important decisions like where they will go to school or whether they are ready to become a licensed driver is quite another.
This infringement on your parental rights could have harmful effects on your child. They may eventually prefer to be with the parent who lets them make adult decisions, which only freezes you further out of the process. Oftentimes, this ends with children making adult decisions without any input from you.
False Abuse or Neglect Allegations
In many cases, the end goal of parental alienation is to infringe upon or eliminate your child custody rights. That's why false allegations of abuse or neglect are one of the most common and pernicious forms of parental alienation. Pennsylvania family courts take abuse allegations very seriously, and they can move aggressively to suspend the custody rights of the offending parent if the allegations are credible.
However, if the allegations are not credible, they could damage your reputation in the long term. Even if you don't lose custody of your child, being named in abuse allegations could hurt your career or impact your ability to retain custody of any children you have in future relationships. The Family Law Team at the LLF Law Firm has extensive experience defending clients against false abuse allegations in custody cases.
Do not delay in contacting our offices if you're falsely accused of abuse or neglect. It would be a mistake to assume the legal process will work in your favor because the allegations are false. Family courts are extremely reluctant to award custody to abusive parents. That means you must convince the court that you don't pose a threat to your child's well-being. Our team can help you refute the allegations and defend your name.
How to Fight Parental Alienation
Being on the wrong end of parental alienation can be intensely frustrating and emotionally draining. With that said, you are not helpless. You have child custody rights as a parent, and your former spouse or partner cannot simply abridge or amend those rights. However, you must fight for your child custody rights in accordance with the law. Do not act unilaterally or initiate direct conflict with your child's parent.
The Family Law Team of the LLF Law Firm can help you examine your legal options for fighting parental alienation. Those options include:
- Request for Custody Modification- If you can prove to the court that your former spouse is making efforts to alienate you from your child, you may be able to get the court to modify your existing custody agreement to give you more time with your child.
- Our family law team has experience making cases for custody modification, and we understand what criteria judges use when modifying custody agreements. We can create a comprehensive case that catalogs all the instances of parental alienation. Our team can also demonstrate to the family court why a custody modification would be in your and your child's best interests.
- Contempt of Court Request-Many parental custody arrangements between former partners are made pursuant to a court order. That means your former spouse or partner is legally obligated to abide by the court's custody arrangements, even if they don't like them. If we can demonstrate to the court how your former spouse's attempts at parental alienation amount to contempt of court, the court may order them to change their behavior or face legal consequences.
- Reunification Therapy- Although family courts can modify custody arrangements or rule that a parent is intentionally alienating you from your child, they would generally prefer for you and your spouse to work out your disagreements amicably. If we bring a parental alienation action, the court may order what is known as reunification therapy.
This process involves having you and your former spouse/partner work with counselors or other court-appointed professionals to resolve your differences and restore your relationship with your child to a healthy state. Reunification therapy can be time-consuming, but if it leads to an amicable resolution of your custody situation, it is worth the effort.
What to Do if You Feel Like You Are Experiencing Parental Alienation
One of the most frustrating aspects of parental alienation cases is that they can be difficult to prove. Courts will want to see multiple examples of strong evidence that your former spouse/partner is acting in bad faith and engaging in parental alienation before they intercede on your behalf. That means one of the best things you can do to help your case is to keep a journal or record of the instances of parental alienation you experience.
It should include the dates, places, and times of the incidents, along with any witnesses. Take special care to include any unimpeachable evidence, such as text messages, emails, or other communications. For example, if your former spouse says they missed “a few meet-ups” for visitation due to scheduling conflicts, the court may believe that. However, if you have a record of multiple or consecutive appointments missed, that may be persuasive to the court.
It is also important to keep the lines of communication open with your child and be the best parent you can be. You can still make maximum efforts to be present for important events in your child's life (e.g., birthdays, school recitals) and support your child. This may seem like a small thing, but it will resonate with your child and the family court.
What Not to Do
Child custody issues always evoke strong emotions for all parties involved. With that said, if you believe you are the victim of parental alienation, it is critical that you resist the urge to take the law into your own hands or act out against your former spouse.
That includes confronting them, sending them angry messages, or speaking badly about them to your child or other people you know in common. Doing so might have the reverse effect and give your former spouse/partner grounds to take legal action against you. Remember, your ultimate goal is to have your child custody rights enforced or restored.
Quality Legal Representation is Key in Parental Alienation Cases
Winning child custody modifications or contempt of court orders in parental alienation cases requires a high level of planning, legal skill, and patience. It also takes a compassionate legal team with a genuine commitment to its client. The Family Law Team at the LLF Law Firm meets every one of those requirements, and more importantly, we have a proven track record of winning parental alienation cases.
We are here for people suffering through parental alienation. Our team is passionate about parent's rights, and we will work as hard for you as you do for your children. You don't have to accept parental alienation, and you don't have to fight alone. We are here for you when you need an ally in Pennsylvania Family Court in parental alienation cases. Call the Family Law Team at the LLF Law Firm at 888-535-3686 or contact us online today.
